My heart has filled up and weighted down like a water well.
Life continues to keep the secrets that only time will tell.
Once again I am fighting against love that proves to be the heavy weight contender.
I have taken too many blows and jabs without a referee in sight when I surrender.
Paired off with a mate, but still feeling alone.
To avoid disappointment I don’t ask for favors… still in the game on my own.
Weeping eyes rock me to sleep
While doubtful thoughts tend to be consistent company I keep.
When things are good with love and me, life could not be any greater.
But all of the problems in between lead me to question my Creator.
God am I moving ahead of You and Your plan?
My Lord is this another wolf? Or did You have good intentions for me and this man?
This time around has to lead me in the right direction without regret.
I cannot repeat the chaotic and painful mistakes that I will never forget.
True feelings exist in the midst of this double sided being.
The only fear is that we are built on lust without trust, which results in no meaning.
Communication is off balance
Relativity is still sought out for as well as remedies to bad habits.
His words and actions tend to grow from meaningful to cold in an instant reaction.
It is starting to feel like I am caught up in the motions without satisfaction.
His prideful mind continues to battle his loving heart which jeopardizes letting a good thing be.
His vision is trapped… third eye shut tight, so the spiritual truth is not allowed to see.
His lovemaking screams out with a lonely cry and is the only fair moment of vulnerability.
But as soon as that moment ends, it is back to the tough walk and stone cold talk that developed through his course of wounded reality.
Seems to be that it is hard for my love interest to accept that I just may be all that I claim.
It seems like he feels it is impossible for him to find happiness through a woman without strings attached or childish games.
He is convinced that a sheltered heart and silent thoughts keep him protected and drama free.
But Water knows how his soul flows and quiet words speak the loudest to me.
He hesitates on fully letting go due to his focus on negative possibilities.
He’s not comfortable with the fact that he has no control over developing love for me.
He does not want to accept that emotions are natural, and that he is not a machine.
Machines are made by man, man is the reflection of God, and God is love is a fact of life and its theme.
Love outside of his family is what he pushes away because he is unfamiliar with how to accept it.
His comfort is found in a routine of temporary pleasure trapped in a hard shell, so a true shoulder to lean on is usually rejected.
So the question then becomes how do you reach the one that you want to love when he is his own worst enemy?
What do you do when you try to extend pure currents of warm water but he would rather dehydrate in denial of the reflection he sees?
A lot of my effort goes towards trying to prove that it is ok to let go and let his heart smile.
But I feel that he questions my knowledge even though I did not make it this far by thinking like a child.
I haven’t given up because I know in my heart the possibility is everlasting love.
While at the same time, I have learned you cannot force something to fit or change when push comes to shove.
In these times I take heed to signs, keeping in mind that everything once new gets old.
Reality is if harsh winds continue to present storms, then water has no choice but to be ice cold.
It is hard to let go when assurance of devotion is relevantly clear.
Trying to hold on to the hope of a happy ending with new beginnings being near.
I can tell that he doesn’t want to appear to be wide open to me.
He keeps a fresh stock of tank tops to avoid wearing his heart on his sleeve.
But I still search deeper to see the true sensitive being inside.
Trying to exfoliate the dead flesh that continues to run and hide.
Running away from the fulfillment and hiding from his purpose
He doesn’t think that I am aware of the still waters that run deep beneath the surface.
As of now we are caught up in a blame game mixed with physical energy exchange.
Adjustments are very necessary and priorities need to be rearranged.
Spiritual balance and open communication has to be achieved
And his understanding that questions lead to knowing, and knowing leads to growth that is not a want but a need.
To be treated consistently as a queen is what I deserve and I will not settle for less.
I will not be handled in a rough manner or spoken to with harsh words from a cold heart that sends negative chills through my flesh.
All I can do is continue to pray that the one who makes me smile will soon wake up from his grave.
And stop fighting my purpose in his life and understand that only God has the perfect plan… so let Him have His way.
Without acknowledging God’s voice and allowing Him to exist in the middle of it all
We will never get a chance to rise above because we will have no way to resist the falls.
My desire is that our great moments we share don’t just fade in the wind.
And that separation does not create itself due to being trapped in sin.
I need him to know that I only intend positive and better things in his life.
And that my plan was never to offer any extra struggles or strife.
Every relationship is a job, and change is not always easy.
Understanding when to compromise is key and knowing that the sacrifices are not always pleasing.
I am willing to fight for the cause if he can learn to recognize my worth.
And know that the words I speak are meant to serve as truth that heals instead of hurt.
