Another Silent Cry

(My silent cry is as loud as ever)

Stuck in an orbit of corrupt mentalities

People surround me that suffer from self destruction and fatalities

I try so hard to stay focused and avoid distraction 

The demons that play with the minds of fellow beings look for a familiar reaction

No matter how careful I try to walk through life’s valley of death

I can’t seem to avoid the shadows of lost ones that are bad for my health

Everyday has a test, every action a reaction

Every time I dedicate my heart to a loved one it turns into a fatal attraction

I rely on your light oh God to guide me through the darkness of the world

Trying to be the example Marlon trusted me to be for his little girl

So many responsibilities, such a heavy cross to bear

Thank you Lord for protecting me... the enemy can’t touch one hair

He tries to torment my mind and keep me restless

Concentration is hard to find and sometimes leaves me feeling helpless

I have to war in my own household for order and peace

I don’t ask much from ANYONE! I just want ignorance and chaos to cease

People seek the things of the world and put Your commandments on hold

I am tired of looking into the eyes of lies, tired of double tongued talkers being so bold

Deliver me Father! Keep me free of sin

I washed the blood from my hands and consider myself born again

Extend my wings to fly above the trouble of the Earth

My fist are tired from swinging, I’ve been fighting this battle since birth

Reveal my purpose as well as Your face that I seek

Help me to remain loving, humble and meek

My dying wish will always be to walk as close to Christ’s step as I can

While I reside in a living hell I will remain Your number one fan

No one else has ever loved me as real and faithful as You do!

You never held my past against me, and Your word is the only everlasting truth

You have protected me and provided even when I didn’t deserve

That’s only a few reasons why I chose You as the one to serve

In my weakest moments You showed your strength 

And to show my gratitude I will go any length

I only get to sincerely smile when I have a thought or moment with You

My life has become nothing but storms and endless lists of things to do

Feeling so alone without understanding from a single soul

My pain keeps growing deep while my heart beats echoes through it’s hole

I drop liquid prayers from my eyes almost everyday

Hoping and praying that You will rescue me from captivity some miraculous way

Assist my efforts to press on and overcome the agony of my reality

Show up! And have Your way on my behalf... continue to prove Your Holy immortality

A Weary Prayer

Mixed emotions, overwhelming pain and a weary soul

Results in worthless living and a teary pillow to hold

How can this hell on Earth be so cold?

It seems as the flames get hotter the ice of life starts to unfold

I need help Lord! But it feels like lately my prayers don’t make it to You 

I know I have grace and mercy, but there is a little more I need you to do

I study for Your classes, I try to pass all of Your test

So why don’t you grant me a breath and a blessing when you know I’m doing my best?!

The pressure is so intense! Show Your face to me as I continue to give You praise

Please don’t continue to leave me stuck in life’s daze

I try hard to fight the ways of this world 

I have put You as top priority since a little girl

What am I paying for? What do I have left to prove?

Why would You let life leave a permanent bruise?

I made my promise years ago to stay true to You

I give You thanks even when I’m so low that I don’t see the need to

Sometimes I don’t see the blessing in having this life of mine

Regardless of how I feel I will respect You until the end of time

My purpose is blurry and my will has disappeared

The rebirth after death is an anticipation, life here is becoming too severe

I shine light in the world every time I pick up the phone

But when I need a break there is no one to call on

Lend rides to so call friends and strangers to any block in town

Then I’m out of pocket on gas and maintaining the ride from breaking down

I have turned so many cheeks and humbled myself amongst the proud

Yet the dark shadows of the valley follow me through the crowd

As soon as I try to come up for air and walk upright

I get hit with multiple blows, kicks, scratches and bites

Why do the good suffer so long?

I know that You are a God of many test to make me strong

You created me to praise You, and in return I get the minimum favor

I am no where near ungrateful but I do need more from my Savior!

I try to walk by faith and not by sight

But faith’s eyes are growing weak because life’s darkness is too bright!

Yet I still hold on to the One I cannot see

Is that not worth something? Are you not proud of me?

I try to bless others through my testimony and listen out for Your voice

But it seems like You are starting to whisper and I cannot hear because of the noise...

The noise of dead souls are as loud as ever

All I can do is hope and pray that I’m worthy of the day that I live in Your kingdom forever

I need You to cry out to me as I have done to You

Prove to me that the voice I hear is pure and true

I’m tired of being used and stripped of my happiness and peace

I gain both through You, so help to make the foolishness cease!!!

The time is ticking and I need a way to prove that You can bring me out of this strife

I have been rebuking the enemy as You continue to let him touch me, and everything in my life

Reveal my purpose so that I may finish this race 

I know the people of this World won’t mourn long because the haters cannot take my place

Amen

Stone Cold Soul

My heart is bleeding cold tears 

So many types of pain I’ve tried to mend over the years

From man to man I am left with disappointment

The only thing that keeps me balanced is the reminder that I am anointed

Trials and tribulations in my path day by day

Every time I need to focus the closest to me let the devil have his way

By trying to steal my joy and intruding on my peace

It is a struggle just to be happy, all of the noise just won’t cease

I want to be left alone to have time with my thoughts and God’s presence

It seems as though that is too much to ask because people use me as reverence

My name is called on all day long and I have always had to be the one with a solution

Too many burdens upon my shoulders, feels like I need to admitted to a mental institution

God meant for marriage to be an equal partnership so why do I feel like a slave?

Trapped in the very walls I built for myself and being judged on how I behave

My husband can’t understand me and disregards the fact that I mean well

We are not equally yolked and his angry lashes feel like flames from hell

I will not die without reaching my goals and I will not resign until my purpose is met

I am focused on Gods face and His faith in me, my race has already been set

I run on empty most days because man has run out of gas for me

I see the worldly desire in their eyes so I flea from the things that I no longer want to be

I would rather live my life alone than to live a life forced into sin

My mate has no desire to seek control of the demons that live within

He won’t open up nor reach deep enough to see

The reflection of God and his full capability

I tried to hear out for God’s voice on choosing my mate

I just hope I didn’t get in the way of things when God was planning my fate

I feel like my efforts to get us on common ground always end up ignored

Sometimes it leads me to think separation is the only way to settle the score

Two separate souls with two totally different mentalities

Unaware of where our paths will lead and aware of two versions of reality

I hope that one day I will find understanding and a way to heal

In this phase of life’s cycle I just feel abandoned praying for a way to deal

Suppressing tension daily and turning one cheek after the other

Yet taking verbal abuse from ignorant mouths and my significant other

I am too strong to settle and too aware of people to be fooled

Trying to let God work a plan on my behalf because the heat in my life needs to be cooled

I rely on my prayers and faith to reach my desired goals

Depending on Gods word and comforting arms to warm my stone cold soul

His Love Is Blind

Love is blind...

It will lead you to perceptions of every kind

It will woo you, then abuse you

It will fool you, and then consume you

I thought love was mine

Love’s actions grew painful over time

Now I am trapped in a cycle of disfunction and captivity

Realizing that the love I once felt was sent to me was never really meant to be

I use to believe that man’s love was real

Until I ended up with the worst aches a heart could feel

Trying to prove love to the one that didn’t love himself

I never thought to take it literally when he said he “loved me to death”

He would rather try to kill my spirit than to face reality

Misusing and false illusions thrown at my strong personality

Welcoming chaos and confusion into my realm of peace

Bringing baggage to weigh my small shoulders, and the pounds never seemed to cease

My girlfriend said she smiles everyday and wakes up to breakfast in bed

I told her my love has other plans for me girl, I get a fresh dose of abuse instead

Verbal strong enough to drive any woman cold

My wet pillow is becoming too sobbed to hold

When he is feeling like being extra special he surprises me with more

There’s always the physical scars of love that leave me bruised and sore

See his love means possession since no one really loved him fair

So now I have stepped in to his after-wind, every breath for me is bitter air

I have been threatened, betrayed, and smothered by his love

I lost my appetite for it a long time ago... the only thing I crave is in Heaven above

Love killed my sense of being... it killed my passion and affection

The day I was accused of adultery was the day I lost my connection

I was stripped down and treated like a whore behind the accusation

I felt as low as a female dog for the first time after that situation

Life became complicated and I shut down in many ways

I regret the day love entered into my life and promised that it would stay

My self worth has been abandoned due to sticking by love’s side

I have run out of patience with all of the false promises love has tried...

Never intended to keep but just to string me along with empty words

Every line written in love’s contradicting book has been heard

I hear “I’m sorry” just as much as “I love you”

I start to wonder what is really true?

Is the true you the action you performed that you live to regret?

Or is love really here and I just haven’t met it yet?

Would true love cause this much pain and just as many tears?

Am I suppose to look forward to love making me regret my life over the years?

This love is a new love that doesn’t have a relative plea

If my mate is willing to tell me he hates me than where can the love be?

Is it all in the things that I am able to do?

Or is it in the ability to take credit in the fact of having a woman of truth?

True to God and myself makes it easy to be honest in the world

But love feels the need to treat me as a little girl

Even though I’m the same one that takes care of myself

Because my love is inconsistent so I can’t rely on his help 

Yet this love doesn’t trust my word or what I stand for

Despite the fact that I teach him how to be a real man I still get treated like a whore

Even after my thrill for love was gone I still remained true...

To my relationship, never cheated or even flirt with anyone outside of you

My heart has been broken too many times due to love’s thoughts of me

All of them caused by the demons that play with my love and his insecurity

I’ve grown tired of settling and being made to feel like a fool

Tired of unnecessary lies and lust and being used like a tool

Love can’t possibly love me since he was never taught what real love is

My love is just scared to lose the realest answer to his quiz

He has no control over life or mind so how can I trust him to be the head over me?

When I look at love I’m suppose to see God but a lost angry soul is all I see

Love wonders why I’ve grown cold and don’t share all my thoughts

But whether it’s told, or I feel it’s safer to hold some form of abuse is what’s brought

Love and I are not on the same page and have no understanding toward one another

I am tormented by his ways and I no longer hope or pray to take it a step further

God doesn’t send love that causes harm or hurt

God wouldn’t balance me off with someone who easily makes me feel lower than dirt

I have done all that I can and beyond what I should

But my love is and never has been worthy of all my good

I have turned as many cheeks as I have ever done before

But my love wants to drain me dry... he just asks for more and more

I have to escape love before it kills me

I’m already dead inside, I’m buried alive is what he can’t see

I need to get some relief because the pain in my heart fearfully severe

I have to rise above the situation that is beneath me, I’ve already cried too many tears

My eyes bleed rivers of prayers that I pray flow to the Most High

When love sows evil seeds against me it reaps because when I cry, God cries

I was not raised to be weak, or to struggle due to a man

Love will play games with your mind in an attempt to convince you you cannot stand

But when I was found by myself I stood strong and that is how I will remain

Love can’t afford to live here anymore and my health can’t afford the pain

I have reached an all time low dealing with the progress in my life

That’s what happened when I decided to put my love first and became his wife

Fairy tales soon became nightmares and love and me no longer see eye to eye

I decided to put up the childish things of the world while he still battles inside

I decided to make a stable plan for my future while my love still tussles with uncertainty

Of knowing who he is, what he stands for, or even what he wants to be

Unsure of how to be a real man and still running from his call

If I could only get back the happiness love stole from me, I would trade it all

I cannot be expected to represent a last name that has not proven itself to me

My love is lost in the ways of the world, dark tunnels lead him down misguided paths without a means to see

He has no sense of self and revokes every source education

Self discipline is lacking right along with motivation

My love is unique and most definitely one of a kind

What makes my love stand out from the rest is simple... his love is blind